Eight things I dislike about Thanksgiving.

8. Tryptophan -An amino acid that makes you sleepy and irritable that results in a shouting match with one of your siblings after dinner.

7. The Detroit Lions -An NFL team that never ceases to disappoint their legions of loyal fans. Their Thanksgiving Day game is never missed in our family. By the time the traditional three legged turkey is shared at half time there's no question how embarrassing the game will end for them. Prove me wrong this year Lions.

6. "Family" -The countless step-siblings I have to make small talk with. They're all very nice people but I only see them twice a year. I don't have children and I'm not married therefore we have next to nothing to talk about.

5. The Fatty Factor -I feel even more disgusted with my body on this day more than others. Full belly and what not.

4. Children -This might fall in with the "family" category but I'm going to give this subject it's own spotlight. Once again, I'm not a Mother and I'm hardly ever around children....it's not that I don't like kids but an entire afternoon with 5 or 6 little people under the age of ten can take it's toll on me. I'll be getting acquainted with a bottle of vodka around eight or so...join me?

3. Impending Doom of Christmas -I work at a store at the largest mall in the state. A long, arduous day of work on Friday is always looming in the back of my head which prevents me from fully enjoying the holiday. (boo-hoo)

2. Broken home -Being a child of the 80's I, like many kids from that era are a product of divorced parents. This means I have to spend Thanksgiving with one side of the family. Don't even get me started on Christmas! (boo-hoo-hoo)

1. Cranberry Sauce -There's always never enough to go around.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! :)

Eight Great Guilty Pleasures.

As I look around my apartment I can't help but be amazed at the amount of "guilty pleasure" items that I have on my bookshelves, in my DVD player and on my television. Luckily no self respecting person with good taste has ever been in my apartment to bear witness to this smorgasbord of tackiness. Self respecting people with good taste aren't the type I would invite over anyway. They don't drink and they never leave when you want them too.

Here are some of my favorite awesome/embarrassing things I waste time with:

8. "The Dirt" by Motley Crue -An oral history of one of the most misogynistic, drug addled bands of the 1980's. The band sucks but this book does not. And I quote: "Open it anywhere and find a story to remember." -The New York Times I heard they were making a feature length film out of it. Let's hope Mick Mars doesn't play himself.

7. "Eric the Midget" -I recently became a Howard Stern listener and whenever I'm in my car and Eric calls in I have to stop what I'm doing and sit and listen until they hang up on him. If you're a fan you know what I mean.

6. "Full House" -It reruns four times a day on ABC Family. It's like a car accident, I can't help but take a look. Oh Uncle Jesse, why won't you be my husband?

5. "Showgirls" -I recently became the proud DVD owner of this 1995 piece of shit movie that stars Jesse from "Saved by the Bell" and her various body parts. All of the NC-17 stuff aside this movie is great to watch for two reasons: 1) The horrendous dialogue. 2) The horrific acting. If watching really bad movies makes you feel better about yourself (like me) "Showgirls" is the all time best. It's also great to watch with a group of friends so you can take turns making fun of it.

4. "Roadhouse" -The "Citzen Kane" of over the top action movies. Co-starring Patrick Swayze's mullett.

3. Wings Greatest Hits -Fall into an audio sugar coma with Paul McCartney's solo project. Just remember, he went from "Abbey Road" to "Silly Love Songs". Silly indeed Paul McCartney. Silly indeed.

2. "Paula Abdul's Get up and Dance" -I own it on VHS. Watch Paula sweat her little Lakers Girls off in neon spandex.


1.
"Little Girl Lost" by Drew Barrymore -Drew does a lot of drugs, dates Corey Haim and gets into many fights with her Mom. The end

Eight things I know about Wisconsin.

I logged in tonight and was pleasantly surprised by the increase in minions I've had over the past forty eight hours. A grand total of five! I then checked your profiles and saw a common factor among all of you....you all live in Wisconsin. A state that I know little about and have never visited. In an attempt to charm you and win you over even further (if it's possible) I dedicate this list to our 30th state and to the trivial krap I know about it.

8. Cheese -You make a lot of it. You can melt it on stuff and it tastes better as a result. It's a beautiful thing. With all of the cheese that is produced and consumed in Wisconsin I hope you have good plumbing. Yeah, I went there.

7. Brett Favre -You worship him as some sort of God. Or at least you did until he went to the Jets. For a guy that was born in Mississippi, you give him way too much credit in my opinion. At least Green Bay is having a good season so far.

6. Beer -Thanks!

5. The accent -The one Wisconsinite I talk to on a regular basis has a distinct way of pronouncing certain words. For instance I say: "WISS-CON-SIN". He says: "WIZZ-GON-ZIN". There's a difference.

4. "Laverne and Shirley" -Great sitcom and I remember thinking Lenny of "Lenny and Squiggy" was kind of cute.

3. Wisconsin Dells -The only thing I know or have heard about this place is that old people like to vacation there.

2. Houdini -He was brought up in Appleton, WI but died as a result of an injury sustained in Detroit (my turf). Thanks for bridging the gap Houdini...you make me feel closer to the people that read this shitty blog.

1. This place -The Don Q Inn in picturesque Dodgeville, WI. I implore you to visit this website. You won't be sorry. Then tell me what room you would pick for your romantic getaway.