*See Jerry Lee Lewis before he kicks it.
*Get a passport.
*Have sex on an ocean liner as a result of said passport.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
More than you need to know.
...and we're back. I was just sharing some fun facts about myself you may (or more than likely may not) find interesting.
-One year at Christmas dinner when I was about 13 my Grandmother took it upon herself to point out the fact I had a mustache. As a result of this I started bleaching the dark facial hair on my upper lip. Several times I made the mistake of leaving said bleach on too long and this resulted in taking off a few layers of skin. I've always said a chemical burn is better than having a mustache.
-I can tell you all about the Canadian serial killer Karla Homolka. She peaked my interest after reading a trashy true crime "novel" about her a few years back. To the disdain of millions she is now a free woman and I've managed to track her down on the internet. I'll tell her you said hi.
-I have a Hemmingway-esque tendency to write when I drink. Luckily for me I have no desire to go deep sea fishing in Florida.
-I have recurring dreams that take place at my Grandparents farm house in Lum, MI.
-I didn't go away to college I took improv classes at the Second City Detroit instead.
-I have an overwhelming fear of flying and I'm almost convinced that if I get on a plane it will crash. I'm ashamed of this and need to get over it. I look forward to the massive amounts of drugs or alcohol that will motivate me to fly.
-I think "true love" is a farce and if you meet someone who will put up with your shit you should consider yourself lucky.
-I have an affinity for 1980's wrestling superstars that result in me coming off as a white trash dyke. (To quote Sarah Silverman: "I use the word because I'm so comfortable with it.) WOOOOOoooOOOO!
-Even though I look pissed off I'm really just thinking about cheese.
-One year at Christmas dinner when I was about 13 my Grandmother took it upon herself to point out the fact I had a mustache. As a result of this I started bleaching the dark facial hair on my upper lip. Several times I made the mistake of leaving said bleach on too long and this resulted in taking off a few layers of skin. I've always said a chemical burn is better than having a mustache.
-I can tell you all about the Canadian serial killer Karla Homolka. She peaked my interest after reading a trashy true crime "novel" about her a few years back. To the disdain of millions she is now a free woman and I've managed to track her down on the internet. I'll tell her you said hi.
-I have a Hemmingway-esque tendency to write when I drink. Luckily for me I have no desire to go deep sea fishing in Florida.
-I have recurring dreams that take place at my Grandparents farm house in Lum, MI.
-I didn't go away to college I took improv classes at the Second City Detroit instead.
-I have an overwhelming fear of flying and I'm almost convinced that if I get on a plane it will crash. I'm ashamed of this and need to get over it. I look forward to the massive amounts of drugs or alcohol that will motivate me to fly.
-I think "true love" is a farce and if you meet someone who will put up with your shit you should consider yourself lucky.
-I have an affinity for 1980's wrestling superstars that result in me coming off as a white trash dyke. (To quote Sarah Silverman: "I use the word because I'm so comfortable with it.) WOOOOOoooOOOO!
-Even though I look pissed off I'm really just thinking about cheese.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Feelin' Kinda American
Happy Birthday America! You have gifted the masses with talented yet kitschy pop singers who like to praise and ridicule you in song. Here's a sample of my favorites.
Bruce Springsteen Born in the U.S.A. Duh. What I like most about this song besides the monotone drumming of Max Weinberg are the lyrics. They're about a Vietnam vet who comes home to find his industrial town has closed up shop and there are no jobs available. Reagan didn't get it and wanted to use it as his re-election campaign theme. Silly Reagan.
Arlo Guthrie City of New Orleans I remember hearing this song for the first time as a kid and feeling really sorry for trains in general.
Bob Dylan Tangled up in Blue My favorite Dylan song about a drifter who wanders the country trying to forget the one that got away.
Simon and Garfunkel America This song gets bonus points for the Michigan reference in the first chorus.
Bruce Springsteen Born in the U.S.A. Duh. What I like most about this song besides the monotone drumming of Max Weinberg are the lyrics. They're about a Vietnam vet who comes home to find his industrial town has closed up shop and there are no jobs available. Reagan didn't get it and wanted to use it as his re-election campaign theme. Silly Reagan.
Arlo Guthrie City of New Orleans I remember hearing this song for the first time as a kid and feeling really sorry for trains in general.
Bob Dylan Tangled up in Blue My favorite Dylan song about a drifter who wanders the country trying to forget the one that got away.
Simon and Garfunkel America This song gets bonus points for the Michigan reference in the first chorus.
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