Eight things I'll remember about the legendary Bea Arthur

8. Shoulder Pads -Dorothy always rocked the linebacker look in her long, flowing pant suits. Made with 100% polyester but worn with 100% fierceness.

7. The voice -Childhood memories of her low resonant tones whining: "MAAAaaaaaaaa!!" and "Stan"!

6. Salt and pepper hair -This woman was so confident in her own skin she went naturally grey on TV. She sported the grey "wings" long before Paulie Walnuts on the Sopranos did.

5. Feminist -I didn't grow up watching "Maude" but I wish I did. With topics like abortion, divorce, racial equality, gender issues and liberalism this sounds like a show that was right up my alley as a nine year old.

4. The strangest people become gay icons and Bea Arthur was one of them. Maybe it all started with this video:

3. My sister, our Grandma J. and I used to watch the "Golden Girls" every weekend. We became such fans that instead of playing house the three of us would play "Golden Girls". I was Rose, my sister was Sophia and my Grandma J. was Dorothy.

2. Cheesecake -It solved all of the "Golden Girls" conundrums why not yours and mine?

1. R.I.P. Bea Arthur!!!!

Let's just be clear

8. If you're an overweight, mid-western housewife that has a penchant for unwashed hair and wearing nothing but looney toon t-shirts, no one is going to believe that that's a real Louis Vuitton handbag you're carrying. The knock off handbag trend can end any second now...it's just getting embarrassing.

7. I need a bumper sticker that reads "I spent seven months in a hotel room in Detroit and all I got was this lousy honk cough"....If you're a person who likes to smoke in close proximity to other people in enclosed areas you deserve to be castrated.

6. Let's face it, I'm a white girl with a fat ass. If you happen to be a gentleman of African American decent please don't make it BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that you are staring at my ghetto onion. It makes me uncomfortable and I think it's gross. (Not my ass, your behavior.)

5. To the middle aged woman with glasses that works at Kohl's on Baldwin Rd. in Auburn Hills: I could give a shit less that you're also considering moving to South Carolina because it's one of the last "conservative and christian" states in the country. I know that you think I'm one of your own due to my white skin and modest dress but I assure you that I'm a liberal heathen to my very core.

4. Just because the label on the wine bottle is cool looking doesn't mean it's going to taste all that great.

3. I want everyone who's reading this at the moment to know that no matter what happens, everything is going to be okay. Whatever it is will work itself out and who knows? Maybe you'll be a better person as a result.

2. I made the mistake of telling co-workers that I dabble in stand-up comedy. Now whenever one of them in particular says something funny she says something to the effect of: "You should use that in your act". No.

1. This actually turns me on:

I Would Like to Know...

8. I would like to know what my face looks like at age 70 weather I live to be that age or not.

7. I would like to know why Suzanne Somers keeps writing books and more importantly, why people keep buying them.

6. I would like to know if there is such a thing as Super AIDS and how Ann Coulter can contract it.

5. I would like to know if Brett Michaels will ever find true love...I'm starting to get worried.

4. I would like to know sign language so I can communicate with apes.

3. I would like to know if God knew what he was doing when he created Nadya Suleman.

2. I would like to know algebra.

1. I would like to know what any children I might have in the future look like, just in case I need to change my mind about having them.